Why do I not feel sad?

Or at least as sad as I thought I would be.

Granny passed away yesterday. Deaths of people whom I know personally always affected my emotions in complicated ways. How sad should I feel? Is there a degree to sadness? It feels strange to direct my emotions with reasoning. Emotional reasoning?

Granny brought me up and served as a maternal figure in place of an absent mother. How sad should one feel when one's mother dies? Very sad?

I'm trying to figure out why I don't feel as sad as I should. Logically speaking.

Maybe it was something that my family expected for a long time. After all, she began having symptoms of senile dementia in the mid-1990s and became progressively bed bound over the next few years.

Maybe it was my childhood experiences with her. After thinking it through, I realized that she never offered words of comfort or hugs during the times my uncle abused me physically. Her way of comforting me was a few distant words of admonishment to behave acceptably in front of adults and a reminder to sleep early for school the following day.

However I may feel now, one thing is for sure. I will mourn her, or rather, the memory of her.

My favourite bad guy

The one and only asian bad guy character who gets killed by the (invariably white) hero in every Hollywood action film that required an asian bad guy character who gets killed by the (invariably white) hero.

Presenting Al Leong...



Come on, admit it, unless you've been living on Mars for the past 30 years, you've seen this guy and always wondered what his name is. I finally figured it out after watching a re-run of Die Hard, including its end credits, last night. Too bad he ate lead from Bruce Willis halfway through the film. It would've been great to see him as a recurring character in the sequels.

Who says you have to look great to make a living in the movies?

The journey continues

one more week and on to the next stage in the revolution against closed-source, commercial OSes...

I have nothing to write about...

...and I have to write it out.

So there.

Seriously though, there are many people out there. Some of nice, some not so but I'd like to thank the good people at Teach Asia (S) Pte Ltd, who went to lots of trouble trying to solve a Customs dispute while sending some homeschool material for Faith.

Thanks again!

Summer, no?

It's 30 degrees outside.

Crazy weather. Feels like Singapore.

Is it summer already?

Resurrection Sunday

The empty tomb...



The people looked for a conqueror, but He came as a servant
Pilate wanted a miracle, but He spoke the Truth
The soldiers mocked, but He loved in return
They put a stone to the door, but He rolled it away

In death life arises
In poverty wealth pours
In hunger food grows
In sadness happiness abounds

Life is one big contradiction.

Or is it?

Seven times he spoke
Seven words of love
And all three hours, his silence cried
For mercy on the souls of men
Jesus our Lord is crucified

-Jars of Clay

1. Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.
2. Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise
3. Woman, behold your son: behold your mother
4. My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?
5. I thirst
6. It is finished
7. Father, into your hands I commit my spirit

And so my redemption was complete...

Reflections 14 years on...

It was during the Lenten season of 1995 that I attended catechism or baptism class. Looking back, it was also a time of spiritual trial. One which made the meaning of the word failure significant. Good Friday is supposed to be good, a victory. It was through failure that I learnt real victory in God.



What happened in 1995?

Ended a friendship with someone who really mattered.
Had never ending trouble in med school.
Got a girlfriend who didn't really figure in the end.
Granny finally crashed into senile dementia.
Left church immediately after baptism.
Got caught in a vicious cycle of waking up late and staying up late.
Spent most of waking hours in front of the PC or TV.

To sum up: what a mess.