Why do I not feel sad?

Or at least as sad as I thought I would be.

Granny passed away yesterday. Deaths of people whom I know personally always affected my emotions in complicated ways. How sad should I feel? Is there a degree to sadness? It feels strange to direct my emotions with reasoning. Emotional reasoning?

Granny brought me up and served as a maternal figure in place of an absent mother. How sad should one feel when one's mother dies? Very sad?

I'm trying to figure out why I don't feel as sad as I should. Logically speaking.

Maybe it was something that my family expected for a long time. After all, she began having symptoms of senile dementia in the mid-1990s and became progressively bed bound over the next few years.

Maybe it was my childhood experiences with her. After thinking it through, I realized that she never offered words of comfort or hugs during the times my uncle abused me physically. Her way of comforting me was a few distant words of admonishment to behave acceptably in front of adults and a reminder to sleep early for school the following day.

However I may feel now, one thing is for sure. I will mourn her, or rather, the memory of her.