Before dawn

Blogger has been blocked by the Great Firewall of China, again.

Anyway, here I am, sitting in the quiet of dawn, reflecting on the past months. My third kid is due in less than 2 months' time. The other two are as trying as they can be but getting away with it because they're so angelic. Wife is tired most days now, heavy into the third trimester.

After mulling over the 80s in many of my previous posts, I seemed to have moved on to the 90s, moved away from the innocence of childhood and teenage years into the hard landing on Reality Runway that so characterizes life in the early 20s for many people. The pressures of responsibilities, work, student loan, failed relationships etc. I remember watching a re-run of St Elmo's Fire and crying at the end.

Growing up in the sheltered environment of an elite preppy school was, perhaps, the worst preparation that anyone can have for life ahead. I never knew people outside of school or the closed circle of friends. People who didn't consider paper qualification important. People did everything except play fair to get ahead or even for minor things in life.

The 90s was also the time when some of my friends died. People my age were mortals after all. Something that was totally alien to me, coming after the heady days of living life in the rush of teenage hormones. I was invincible no more. No physically. Certainly not emotionally. Does anyone remember "Before Sunrise"? A film with Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy? What would you do if you had 12 hours left with someone you cared about?

We live without thinking about existential issues.

What have you done that will matter in 10 to 15 years' time?

Indeed, people have more in common with the dew on grass than many would care to admit. Here tonight, gone by dawn.

My bread machine just chimed. Time to slice some bread for breakfast...