Undoing the ties that bind

It's been a thought-provoking few days.

I couldn't sleep much last night at the new place. New sights, new sounds, new smells. It's funny how I had less problem adjusting to life in Melbourne some years ago compared to how difficult it was last night in a place less than 20km away from my old apartment.

Strange how that sounds. Having to address the former place as "old". Granted that it's been more than 3 decades since the first residents moved in (including my parents). There used to be a graveyard behind, now it's prime estate. I used to be able to see the CBD skyline because it's on top of a small hill. On some days, the angle would be just right and I'd get a view of the full moon rising between the skyscrapers of Raffles Place. On the other side, I could see the glow of the industrial fires burning on the southern islands. Now the views are blocked by shiny new high-rise apartments that boast full-length windows and owners who put up full-length curtains to maintain privacy. How ironic.

There used to be pretty wooden furniture carved in 60's fashion. Downlights hanging from the ceiling, paneled walls, sunken-in wardrobes, wallpapers with pastel coloured circles, floors with chip tiles, a laundry area where the evening sun would ensure dry clothes before night.

The fate of the old apartment has been sealed, now that the collective sale has materialized. The wrecker's ball will swing into action early-2007. I wonder if it'll be kitsch for me to take a brick off the walls as souvenir. This place is the last physical tie I have with a father whom I never knew. In a way, this apartment was meant as a legacy from him. It has provided shelter from the rain and a place I could hide temporarily away from the troubles of the world.

It's feels almost like mourning for someone. Maybe it's poetic that this place should die before I find new life in another. Maybe this place needs to die as a symbolic and very real release of all the emotional baggages of my adopted-family. Maybe, finally, everyone can move on with their own lives.