Closing a decade

on the 31st December of

1979 - too clueless to realize that my life would be forever changed by Primary One.

1989 - full of excitement as I traded school-uniform shorts for long pants, all ready for the world with teenage bravado

1999 - still enjoying the much-cherished air of freedom from a long-delayed ROD from the year before, penniless but happy

2009 - with three kids, I'm back to being clueless. I wish I could say something exciting or positive (really). I can only write an entry in another decade.

Earthly life feels very short when one counts the number of decade-transition moments like this. This life is also unpredictable. I live in my own fantasy world that I've always been the same but the truth is every decade was different. It's too complex for me to sum them up with words so I'll try to describe them in terms of images.

The 70s is one foggy dream of a rented 3-room apartment.

The 80s is a movie set of Wargames constructed in the old, gray Funan Centre.

The 90s is the bottom of a muddy well.

The 2000s is sunshine through the forest canopy.

Those who know my personal history will probably relate well to these images. What image will I paint in ten years' time? God knows.

Someone asked me how would I re-live my past if I had the chance. This is a moot question. Nobody does. You can't retrieve the baby, let alone the bath water.

So what are your thoughts on the final 24 hours of this decade?

Failing laptop

My faithful Fujitsu laptop of 4 years is showing signs of a breakdown.

Sigh...time to burn a hole in my pocket. Unless someone is willing to write me a cheque to the tune of $3k?

Trying my faith

Faith seems to be going through a delayed terrible two at four. Unfortunately, I don't seem to have it in me to discipline her in a proper manner. Anyway, Wifey got fed up with the whole situation and broke down.

Kids, you can't understand them fully once you become an adult. Maybe that accounts for the perennial existence of a gap between generations. Funny thing is, we neither consider ourselves to be good parents nor do we want to be. But this is a responsibility thrust upon everyone with kids. Perhaps that's the way things are in this world, never having a true say in the circumstances.

So much for free will. I never believed in it for a moment. By the way, it's Faith's birthday today.

OK, back to the movie I was watching...

Birthday parties

Birthday parties for kids are pretty similar. Lots of noise, crying, and a cake poked by too many little fingers before the candles are blown. Not to mention sleepy dads grabbing sofa space like it's prime real estate...

Faith + Joy = 4 + 2

Happy birthdays to my two beautiful girls...



Thanks to Daniel & UV for the photos.

The pendulum

Logged on to the website of the Dept of Biological Sciences, NUS. It seems that they've hired more faculty specialising in Ecology.

So much for the dark years when biodiversity researchers were left out of the mainstream.

In 1984-ville, it seems, even academia is subjected to the pendulum of fashionability. When will they get it in their heads that people, especially the nutty ones who'd crawl through some hole full of bat guano, do things out of passion and not for the promise of well-paid job.

The weather in Shanghai

So the locals tell me that there are only 2 seasons in Shanghai: summer and winter.

Had a taste of what it means over the past 24 hours. It was 28 degrees yesterday and it will be 9 degrees tonight. And I hear there's heavy snowfall on Beijing.

Crazy.

The kids are enjoying it though...


____________________
Whole wheat bread with peanut butter
Brown Rice
Stir-fried bean curd with minced meat
Stir-fried lettuce with dried shrimp

This one goes out to you

Yes, to you, the only student whom I'm impressed with during my short teaching stint.

Never mind about rude Chemistry professors and stalkers. Have fun going to see the Phoenix...

Happy 44th

To all the hardworking people of Singapore, we'll make things happen regardless...

Power to the People!

Over the moon

So everybody, meet the newest member of the gang...



We may have walked on the moon 40 years ago yesterday and the sun be totally eclipsed tomorrow but nothing beats the feeling of having a new baby.

Cheers...

Having No.3

So Mum-in-law is flying in today to help Wifey with her confinement periods, although the word confinement is used very loosely in this case. Wifey hates being confined and certainly will not stay in bed or away from the shower for more than 2 days in a row.

Somebody once said that the birth process is a 鬼門関 or a set of "deathly gates" that women go through. It's a reminder of how fragile we are. There are a million things that can go wrong, especially with Wifey who doesn't take too well to most medication, including painkillers and anesthetics.

To everyone out there who's been praying with us, thanks.

...yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me...

The trouble with names

So how? 7 days to go before No. 3 pops (or technically speaking, gets ripped out via C-section) and I am unsettled about her name. Faith and Joy were givens but No. 3? We're temporarily calling her Peace. But, hey, Peace is an uncommon name. Any suggestions for a synonym? Preferably short and sweet, single syllabus. Argh...

On the other hand, the Chinese name sounds nice.

Oh yeah, and the administrative inconvenience of having a kid outside of Singapore, and in China, of all possible places known for bureaucratic SUBARs...

The height of summer

Summer solstice and 38 degrees weather. Never mind that.

Wifey, Faith, Joy and, soon, Peace.

Thank God for family.

Faith and me

Faith and I are growing distant. It's a combination of the 9-to-5 work hours and my own lack of patience with her attempts at growing up.

My childhood was filled with adults who were impatient with me. Feeling torn between being a good friend and having to instill some kind of discipline in her. It's the latter that usually comes through. I don't ever recall any adults that was patient with me as a child. This is threatening to pass through me to Faith. I am desperate to stop this generational curse. Forgive my strong word.

I remember the ready laughter and smiles Faith had for me. A few days ago, she flinched when I reached out to pat her back. It cuts my heart.

There were no parental role models. I can only bungle along feebly, hoping that every decision is a good one.

I can never give her enough love. How does one love through the daily grind of life?

65 years on...

...and let's not forget the price that men paid to keep the world free.

Not only on the beaches of Normandy...



but also in the China-Burma-India theater...



Not a very well-known piece of WW2 history was the Second Chindit Expedition, conducted from February to August 1944. The expedition originated from Assam state in north-east India into Burma. Consisting of troops mainly from the 77th Indian Infantry Brigade. Their main mission was to wrest control of north Burma from the hands of the Japanese Imperial Army.

This area was where the famous Burma Road was located. The road itself, being the critical supply route from British India to Nationalist China bases in Yunnan, was overran by the Japanese army in 1942.

On June 6 1944, the climatic battle for north Burma began. The 77th Brigade was given the objective of taking the city of Mogaung and liberating the Burma Road. The 77th was ultimately successful but suffered 50% casualty, not just in the battle that lasted 21 days but also from disease and malnutrition.

Lest we forget.

Before dawn

Blogger has been blocked by the Great Firewall of China, again.

Anyway, here I am, sitting in the quiet of dawn, reflecting on the past months. My third kid is due in less than 2 months' time. The other two are as trying as they can be but getting away with it because they're so angelic. Wife is tired most days now, heavy into the third trimester.

After mulling over the 80s in many of my previous posts, I seemed to have moved on to the 90s, moved away from the innocence of childhood and teenage years into the hard landing on Reality Runway that so characterizes life in the early 20s for many people. The pressures of responsibilities, work, student loan, failed relationships etc. I remember watching a re-run of St Elmo's Fire and crying at the end.

Growing up in the sheltered environment of an elite preppy school was, perhaps, the worst preparation that anyone can have for life ahead. I never knew people outside of school or the closed circle of friends. People who didn't consider paper qualification important. People did everything except play fair to get ahead or even for minor things in life.

The 90s was also the time when some of my friends died. People my age were mortals after all. Something that was totally alien to me, coming after the heady days of living life in the rush of teenage hormones. I was invincible no more. No physically. Certainly not emotionally. Does anyone remember "Before Sunrise"? A film with Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy? What would you do if you had 12 hours left with someone you cared about?

We live without thinking about existential issues.

What have you done that will matter in 10 to 15 years' time?

Indeed, people have more in common with the dew on grass than many would care to admit. Here tonight, gone by dawn.

My bread machine just chimed. Time to slice some bread for breakfast...

The old man and his children (part 1)

There was once an old man with many children. This old man had a big garden in the middle of the forest. In that garden were many things for the children to play with. There were two water fountains in the garden, one in the east and the other in the west. Cool water flowed from both and the children could drink to quench their thirst on a warm day. There was also a tall wooden fence that kept out wild weeds so everyone would be safe.

To be continued...

Due to technical difficulties, this story is discontinued...

Of stange dreams

Had two strange dreams relating to life in Queenstown as a kid. Probably a result of thinking about my days with granny during the 70s.

What was the Chinese term again?

日有所思
夜有所夢

Not bad for someone who scored a high of C6 for high school Chinese exam...

Why do I not feel sad?

Or at least as sad as I thought I would be.

Granny passed away yesterday. Deaths of people whom I know personally always affected my emotions in complicated ways. How sad should I feel? Is there a degree to sadness? It feels strange to direct my emotions with reasoning. Emotional reasoning?

Granny brought me up and served as a maternal figure in place of an absent mother. How sad should one feel when one's mother dies? Very sad?

I'm trying to figure out why I don't feel as sad as I should. Logically speaking.

Maybe it was something that my family expected for a long time. After all, she began having symptoms of senile dementia in the mid-1990s and became progressively bed bound over the next few years.

Maybe it was my childhood experiences with her. After thinking it through, I realized that she never offered words of comfort or hugs during the times my uncle abused me physically. Her way of comforting me was a few distant words of admonishment to behave acceptably in front of adults and a reminder to sleep early for school the following day.

However I may feel now, one thing is for sure. I will mourn her, or rather, the memory of her.

My favourite bad guy

The one and only asian bad guy character who gets killed by the (invariably white) hero in every Hollywood action film that required an asian bad guy character who gets killed by the (invariably white) hero.

Presenting Al Leong...



Come on, admit it, unless you've been living on Mars for the past 30 years, you've seen this guy and always wondered what his name is. I finally figured it out after watching a re-run of Die Hard, including its end credits, last night. Too bad he ate lead from Bruce Willis halfway through the film. It would've been great to see him as a recurring character in the sequels.

Who says you have to look great to make a living in the movies?

The journey continues

one more week and on to the next stage in the revolution against closed-source, commercial OSes...

I have nothing to write about...

...and I have to write it out.

So there.

Seriously though, there are many people out there. Some of nice, some not so but I'd like to thank the good people at Teach Asia (S) Pte Ltd, who went to lots of trouble trying to solve a Customs dispute while sending some homeschool material for Faith.

Thanks again!

Summer, no?

It's 30 degrees outside.

Crazy weather. Feels like Singapore.

Is it summer already?

Resurrection Sunday

The empty tomb...



The people looked for a conqueror, but He came as a servant
Pilate wanted a miracle, but He spoke the Truth
The soldiers mocked, but He loved in return
They put a stone to the door, but He rolled it away

In death life arises
In poverty wealth pours
In hunger food grows
In sadness happiness abounds

Life is one big contradiction.

Or is it?

Seven times he spoke
Seven words of love
And all three hours, his silence cried
For mercy on the souls of men
Jesus our Lord is crucified

-Jars of Clay

1. Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.
2. Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise
3. Woman, behold your son: behold your mother
4. My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?
5. I thirst
6. It is finished
7. Father, into your hands I commit my spirit

And so my redemption was complete...

Reflections 14 years on...

It was during the Lenten season of 1995 that I attended catechism or baptism class. Looking back, it was also a time of spiritual trial. One which made the meaning of the word failure significant. Good Friday is supposed to be good, a victory. It was through failure that I learnt real victory in God.



What happened in 1995?

Ended a friendship with someone who really mattered.
Had never ending trouble in med school.
Got a girlfriend who didn't really figure in the end.
Granny finally crashed into senile dementia.
Left church immediately after baptism.
Got caught in a vicious cycle of waking up late and staying up late.
Spent most of waking hours in front of the PC or TV.

To sum up: what a mess.

The Moon

Faith noticed the moon tonight as it was setting. I told Wifey that it'd be good for our children to understand astronomical & meteorological phenomena. Too many of us city-dwellers have relied on clocks and calendars that the passing of time is but an artificial construct in our minds. Being in Shanghai, with the changing seasons, has put me in touch with the rhythms of nature. I have begun to appreciate traditional calendars. It feels more real, more human to be in touch with the seasons. I want Faith to be human.

March, June, September, December. These are but words we use to mark time. They are insignificant if we don't try to make some sense out of it. After all, there is more than just prettiness behind phrases like spring thaw, summer rain, autumn fall and winter frost.

Have you looked up at the sky tonight?

Vernal equinox

and we marked Earth Day Hour in Shanghai with turned-off light bulbs from 8.30 to 9.30pm.

After four months, all I can say about the state of the environment here is that it feels like a war zone. Mounds of earth and construction debris everywhere. Grey and smoggy, feels like the immediate aftermath of a major artillery duel.

Never missed pristine air until now.

Educating my kids

Thinking about home school.

I was sitting alone along the corridor last evening, filled with the noise of kids around me. Observing their interactions, I was transported back to my own schooldays. It suddenly occurred to me that school was and still is an intimidating environment for those who choose to do things differently.

My Faith is different. Like me.

I want the best for her and I'm afraid school doesn't cut it.

English literature

or should I say literature in English. Finally got my copy of National Geographic magazine. Been starved of reading material since landing in Shanghai. It's the most cosmopolitan city in China and I can't find anything decent in English to read.

Never knew how important having something meaningful to read is until now. Six articles should last me until the May issue arrives. It's funny. I get National Geographic channel 24/7 on the satellite dish but nothing beats a good read with spectacular photographs.

of viral infections...

So my pastor in Shanghai is down with pneumonia the same weekend my Windoze PC got hit with the conficker virus. Crappy on both counts. The wet weather doesn't help with moods either. Persistent rain and sub-10 degrees temperatures.



Well, on the bright side, I'm seeing the inside of a church more regularly than back home. And Blogspot, Facebook and other websites that I'm addicted to seem to load faster these days.

Shall read the Gospel of John this week as I've reached the last entry of the last copy Our Daily Bread. I don't think they deliver here. Darn atheist state...

Jobs' Apple

I wonder how much of a company Apple is without Steve Jobs. Recall the troublesome years that it went through between 1985 to 1997. And how it was re-invigorated with his return and the first iMac.


Source: BBC

Now that he has taken 6 months medical leave, and looking increasingly gaunt by the passing months, I fear for the company that always gave us something to look forward to in an industry dominated by suits and geeks who don't necessarily understand what the common man wants from a computer. In essence, he was the driving force behind all that Apple has come to symbolize.

We wish you well, Steve.