Why I left Shanghai pt 6

They say that a person’s identity is tied up with his work. What this person does for a living defines him. “Hello, my name’s _______. I’m a _______.” What would you put in the second blank when you introduce yourself? Put it another way, what’s the question you’d ask someone after you know the name?

I had been unhappy about work in Shanghai. Much of this unhappiness was due to my lack of gratitude to God for giving me this job. Instead of feeling liberated, there was a feeling of living from  one pay cheque to another. Kicking against the goads was, I believe, an apt description of my state of mind.

I wanted to explain the two necessities of life - work and, by extension, the food that I bring to the table. So I embarked on a two-week fast in the winter of 2013, telling God that I was going into the fast without forcing any agenda on Him. Whatever He wanted to tell me, or not, I will listen.

 A few days into the fast, early one morning - it must have been about 3 or 4 o’clock, I was drifting in and out of sleep when Jesus spoke to me, with the words He said while waiting for the Samaritan woman to return to the well. “My food is to do the will of Him who sent me, and to finish His work.” Having never experience such a direct revelation, I wanted a confirmation that it wasn’t just a lucid dream induced by the fast. It came barely 3 hours later while I was cycling to work - “…for flesh and blood have not revealed it to you, but my Father which is in heaven.” This sentence, recorded by Matthew, just popped into my head. And with it confirmation and epiphany.

The real food is not what’s on the table. God sustains us when we do His work. This sustenance goes beyond the physical. This is why people fast, for there is a purpose higher than our earthly existence, which is to do God’s will. And what is the work of God? As John recorded what Jesus said, “This is the work of God, that you believe on Him [Jesus] whom He [God] has sent.” That’s as direct as it can get.

Don’t worry about my job. I have only to believe and obey Jesus, and He will provide sustenance for my family and me. What's important? That I reconcile relationships. The ones that matter most is the broken relationships with my mother, and the family that raised me. I have to reconcile with them to move out of the shadow of hurts. To allow myself to relate normally with my wife and kids. And what’s more, as a result of reconciliation, I may see my mother and care-givers in eternity.